DISCLAIMER: Before reading this post, you must know that Kyle is a WONDERFUL father who takes the afternoon shift with Cooper every day before I get home from work, is there with a hug in the middle of the night when the boy gets scared of the vacuum (yes…nightmares about vacuums) and is by far the cooler parent when it comes to eating dirt, jumping off things, making huge messes, etc.
That said, some of his parenting techniques that seem a little suspect are actually very clever. FYI, these are purely my observations! Did I mention he’s a really good sport?!
Lesson 1: If at first you don’t succeed, (let them) cry, cry again.
There is going to come a point in time when your wife will request that you make an attempt to man the bedtime routine. One suggestion, if you do this very poorly you will rarely have to do it again. There is nothing worse for your wife at the end of a long day than to listen to you wrangle a crying baby for 30 minutes. You should explain to her that it would just be easier on everybody if she completed this task. If this doesn’t work, try bringing the baby out to her with both legs through one pajama leg hole and an exasperated look on your face. Shouting things like "where is the thermometer" and "uh oh, that will leave a mark" are always helpful.
Lesson 2: The running list of chores completed.
This little gem is applicable for every kid task. When your wife asks you to change a diaper, simply say "but I just mowed the lawn!" It does not matter that mowing the lawn has nothing to do with changing a diaper or that she has changed 9 out of the last 10 poop diapers. Be sure to have some back-ups including things she might not have noticed like "but I just changed the air filter" or "but I just hosed down the back porch".
Lesson 3: Diapers.com orders count as shopping.
Go ahead and turn her loose on internet shopping but make sure you keep tabs on what is being spent so you can keep up. Yes, a $100 order of diapers, sippy cups, sunscreen and kid clothes at diapers.com DOES equate to a new pair of golf shoes for you. Hey, be generous...you'll get paid back in return!
Lesson 4: A dip in the pool counts as a bath.
Especially if its a saltwater pool. If your wife tries to argue, simply tell her that you will take over bath time for the evening. Be sure that you keep this task on your running list of chores completed. You worked hard for it.
Lesson 5: Ice cream fixes all.
Scraped knee? Ice cream. Broken kite? Ice cream. Upset tummy? Ice cream sandwich. This also works on your wife too. Especially if she's pregnant.