Things you shouldn't say to a pregnant woman

I am convinced that the sight of a pregnant belly seems to produce the phenomenon of people losing all of their manners and the filter between their brain and their mouth.

I would love to point out the nice things people say daily, but that's just not as fun. So since I've apparently been into lists lately, here are my top 10 things you shouldn't say to a pregnant woman!

NOTE: Most of these are from my first pregnancy so either I haven't yet eclipsed the sun or my stink eye round 1 was highly effective.

1. "When's your due date? (Glances at belly.) Oh honey, I don't think you will make it that far!" Really? That's a pretty precise medical declaration you have just made just by judging my size! For the record, I went past my due date and had to be induced.
2. "Are you having twins? Are you sure?" Thank you for commenting, not so subtly, on my circumference. I am 5 feet tall. The only way for this baby to go is out! Not only is this rude, but, statistically, it is safe to assume that most pregnant women are NOT having twins.
3. "Did you plan this pregnancy?" How to answer? Yes, we've both taken biology classes? No, it was a cool October night and the Aggies were having a great season? Does this even merit a response?
4. "Sleep now, you'll need it when the baby comes." Is there some sleep deposit bank I'm unaware of where you can sleep now and redeem later?
5. "Babies change everything." Oh, I see. So they don't come out ready to enjoy bottomless mimosas, hot yoga and 5 course dinners on any given Saturday? Fascinating!
6. "Should you be dancing this much?" I was asked this at a wedding recently. To my knowledge, no baby has ever been danced out of his mother's womb so yes, pretty sure I'm safe here.
7. "You are carrying high/low/in your hips/in your butt." Um, thank you?
8. "Can I touch your belly?" If you know me well enough, you shouldn't have to ask. If you have to ask, you don't know me well enough. I would like to respond: "Sure, but only if I can touch yours!" At least they asked which is better than some.
9. "Do you have a name for the baby?  Oh, that's too long / trendy / masculine / feminine / I knew a kid named that who was [fill in the blank]." This is the name I have chosen for my child!  If I wanted your opinion, I would have asked you for it!
10. "You look tired. I bet you're ready for this baby to be here!" I know this is the "polite" way of telling someone they look like s***, but the message translates just the same.

My advice is this: unless a baby's body part is hanging out of a pregnant woman's nether regions, just smile, say congratulations and tell her she looks lovely. Unless of course you like pain. Then refer to 1 through 10 above!

Ahhh, I feel better already!

Hello from baby Charles!

First World Problems

Inspired by a couple of blogs I follow, Rants from Mommyland and Mommy Shorts, I decided to draft up a list of First World Problems: Cooper Edition. I even submitted a few of these for their posts, but they must have gotten lost in the (e)mail.

So here you go, the things that really spoil his milk:

1. We had to miss Gymboree today because we went to the zoo, again.
2. Mom bought the "Grapes Galore" flavor of Annie's Fruit Snacks when I clearly prefer the "Berry Patch" flavor as demonstrated by tantrums in the kitchen and the car last Sunday and Monday, respectively.
3. My New Balance shoes are getting too small and Mom attempted to replace them with Converse.
4. Both of my bunny loveys are in the wash so I have to use this monkey one instead.
5. I have 5 pacifiers in my bed, one of which I have deemed "yucky". This is not going to cut it come bedtime. 
6. About the same time that I broke Mom's iPad, Dad's ran out of batteries. Or so they said.
7. All of the naked baby dolls at school were being played with. I had to play with a clothed one.
8. I like to change the music in the car about once every 10 seconds. Mom only complies with this request about 5 times per car ride.
9. Green pears, really?!
10. My naked tush does not slide on my slide.

The lemon and I

I can honestly say that I have never had a pregnancy craving...until last night! I was chopping dill and  cutting lemons when I had this irresistible urge to eat a lemon! Craving vitamin C? Strange pregnancy taste buds? All I know is it was maybe the best thing I've ever tasted!

In other randomness... Cooper now sings "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star"...in his own words, of course!

"Twinkle, twinkle little star. Hi Mama! What you are?" 

Be still my heart.

Even more randomness... Have you guys tried Bloglovin'? You can sign up to follow your favorite blogs all in one place and get notified of new posts in the news feed. There are also free iPhone and Android apps! Come follow me and if you blog, sign up so I can follow you!

Follow my blog with Bloglovin!

"Mama, what does ____ say?"

A recurring problem in our house is coming up with an answer to "What does _____ say?"  As brought up by Cooper here, he seems to have entered a phase where he wants to know what everything says, and I mean EVERYTHING.

I've tried to explain to him that only people and animals say things.  But, that's not true because a car says "vroooom" and a horn says "beep".  Then, there are the random animals that we get asked about that I have no clue what they say.  Friends, what exactly does a zebra say? A rhino?  A fish? That's what I thought.  You see, there is no standard rule that will appease an inquiring two year old mind! 

When something doesn't actually make a sound, we try to tell him "it doesn't say anything" but you can only say that 100 so many times a day before you get bored and start getting creative.

For example, did you know a golf club says "whack" and and orange says "eat me"?  Kyle did! And a fishing pole says "fish" in my most whispery voice that had Kyle rolling on the floor laughing.  You'd be surprised what comes out of your mouth when you're tired and not paying attention!

I leave you with this little gem from tonight.  Anyone that can answer this gets some to be determined prize!

Note: He's reading an Olivia book and yes, in an attempt at preventative parenting, he refers to coloring on the walls as simply "bad".  If that doesn't work, there is always Mr. Clean magic erasers!

That Wascally Wabbit

On Saturday we went to an Easter egg hunt and of course I snapped a few (or 98) pictures of the boy all fixed up for the big day!

I had to snap one "pre-hunt" while the clothes were still somewhat clean!

With the Easter bunny...much better than Santa!

Not sure who was more excited about the petting zoo?

 "Sorry COW!" Oh, my city boy.

The best part of his morning, "running the bridge"!  Who is this 6-year old posing as my son?!  Seriously, he looks so grown up!

Once again, too busy eating egg contents to care about picking up more!  One and done!

Checking out his loot!  Cracks me up because he always acts so surprised!

The "tripod of anger"

Continuing on the 2-year old theme this week, allow me to introduce you to the "tripod of anger":

There are two main positions that qualify, but both involve your forehead on the floor. You have seated (above) and standing where you can be seen throwing your fit from between your legs. You would think he would find our imitations of said tripod as humorous as we do but, alas, he does not.

Oh, tripod. The surest way to keep a smile on my face during a two-year-old tantrum! 

On being 2

A note from Cooper...

Dear Mommy and Daddy,

There are some things you clearly do not understand about being 2 years old. Let me educate you.

1. Throwing is a perfectly acceptable outlet for your frustrations. Just be glad I'm not a biter. See exhibits A and B below.
2. The rules of mine... If I want it, it's mine. If you pick it up, I want it so it's mine. If I used to want it, it's mine. If it looks like mine, it's mine. If it's broccoli, it's yours.
3. Bunny gummi snacks always make me happy. Don't you want me to always be happy? And let's be real, Mom. I just saw you eat 2 bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and now you're lecturing me on sugar?
4. The cat really does like it when I pull her tail. Really. I will continue to assure her of this with many tight squeezes.
5. Last night I called a 3am meeting to discuss my deteriorating sock situation. Overall participant attitude? Terrible. Work on that.
6. If we do something fun, there is no way you are going to get away with doing it 1 time. Or 5. Or 10. And tomorrow the count starts from 0.
7. You can not wear me out. I am highly entertained by your attempts though. Silly parents.
8. I really like to know what everything "says". You seem to be really good at what animals say but what I'm really interested in are things like "What the mac n' cheese say?" and "What the basketball say?" Brush up and get back to me!
9. I'll do it myself.  In general, in life.  Whatever it is, I will do it myself. If I can not, please refer back to #1.
10. It is never too cold to play with the water hose.

Exhibit A: 

This piece of junk iPad was playing Jake when all I really wanted was Super Why.  I threw it on the ground to show it who was boss.  Mom, you say this is coming out of my college fund.  Well, I say it's coming out of your shoe fund!

Exhibit B:

Not only does a thrown fork show you that I'm over these cold peas, it's a great way for me to show you I'm done eating all together.  No, I will not pick it up.

That's all for now!  We'd better start slowly anyway.  You have a long way to go!

Much love,

Cooper Boy