Ouch. Ouch, you're hurting me.

Someone should write a book called How to Outsmart the Two-year Old Who Just Outsmarted You. I would buy it.

Cooper's newest trick is to try to get out of something he doesn't want to do by saying "ouch". At home, this doesn't work. I could care less if he tells me "ouch" when I'm putting him into the bathtub or brushing his teeth. I KNOW these things don't hurt. He can yell it as loud as he wants...as long as the neighbors don't hear!

That's just it. When he says these things in public all of the sudden I'm rooted to the spot, fearful someone is going to call CPS on the little blonde child abuser!

Case in point, this is exactly what happened leaving a restaurant yesterday. Mind you, I have one arm full of take-out BBQ and am hurrying home to feed Carrington before she and Kyle both get cranky. Cooper, on the other hand, is perfectly content running up and down the hallway to and from the bathroom where some poor older woman had been parked for the last 10 minutes. (Bad food? Stage fright? Fear of two year olds? Who knows?!)

     Me: Cooper, we have our food. Time to go! (I grab his hand and start walking towards the door.)

     Cooper: OUCH MOM! OUUCCCCCHHHHHHH!

     Me: Come on buddy, I'm not hurting you. We have to hold hands in the parking lot.

I look around to see who is watching us while trying to figure our if saying "I'm not hurting you" isn't exactly what someone would say if they were hurting someone. I spy only one pair of raised eyebrows and try again.

     Me: [to no one in particular] Ha! Two year olds!

I grab a hold of his hand again which triggers him to throw himself on the floor.

     C: No hurting Cooper Mom! No hurting Cooper again! OUUCCCCHHHHHHH!

Again? Oh Lord. Where is this coming from? Do I yank him out kicking and screaming while trying to balance BBQ, a drink and my car keys? Do I practice my calm Mommy reasoning skills? (BAH!) Or, do I just let him run the hall one more time hoping a new round of people will circulate in and out and I can try a more stealthy grab-and-go? Too late. Thought for too long. He bolted and started running the hall again, pestering the poor lady doing God knows what in that bathroom.

Then, who comes stumbling out of that bathroom? My sweaty guardian angel with her crooked smile and a look that let Cooper know his cheeks were about to get pinched! He grabbed my hand and headed towards the door. Whew. Saved...this time!

This little stunt did earn him a blue cupcake from the bakery manager at HEB the other day. He told me to tell the cashier it was damaged. Think he felt sorry for me?

TOOT!