A letter to my daughter: My decision to become a stay-at-home mom

Dearest Carrington,

We are about to enter a new stage of life together! My time as a working mom has come to an end and I want to tell you all about it, sweet girl. It's not that I don't want your brother to read this one day, I do. I am writing specifically to you because one day you may be standing in these very shoes and [hopefully] you'll like to hear a nugget of hard earned wisdom from your dear ol' mom.

First, a little about my job… I love my job. I think I'm good at my job. I feel challenged and rewarded and fulfilled and all of those warm-fuzzy HR words that you're supposed to feel. I went through a couple of jobs before I found what I really enjoyed doing, but I am grateful to say that I did find it. I am telling you this because if I didn't feel these things, I would have never gone back to work after your brother was born. I will never regret that for a time I chose to be a working mom.

However, as cliche as it may sound, I have always struggled with the feeling that I was never going to be able to give 100% to my job and I was never going to be able to give 100% to you. If you're reading this as an adult, you probably know enough about me by now that you know that not giving 100% doesn't sit well with me. I'd like to think that perhaps I've lightened up with age but I'm guessing not!

I know a lot of moms who do the working mom thing beautifully. I'd like to think that I did too, for a time. Sometimes I felt like I was a better mom because I worked. While I didn't have as much time with you during the day, I really tried to make every single moment that I had with you count. If you don't believe me, just ask my friends that I haven't seen too much of over the last 3 years!

However, at the end of the day, you win. We win. I "Leaned In" and I tried but I just could never drown the notion that you and your brother were getting bigger by the minute and I was missing it. No matter how well I do in my career or how much money I make, I can never buy this time back with you. I can't tell you how fortunate I feel that this is a choice that I get to make.

At this moment, I can't say with certainty that this is a forever choice for me. Maybe one day I'll wander back into the working world, or at least dip a toe in the water. But right now I feel very, VERY excited to give this a shot and to be there with you everyday to watch you grow and learn and play and just be little.

My hope for you is that one day you are in this exact same spot with a job that makes you happy and children so precious that you can't stand to be away from them. If you get here, I know that you will make the right choice for you and your family because really there isn't a wrong choice. This is truly a high class problem to have and I hope that you recognize that just like I do.


Here's to us.


All my love,

Mom

How can I resist that face?!